January 10, 2012

Depression stole my swagger

There are a lot of miserable symptoms of major depression. Despair. Fatigue. Loss of interest in things we once enjoyed. Stomach-churning anxiety. Real, physical pain. Those are just a few.

Worst of all, this soul-sapping brain disease can steal our self-confidence.

At least that’s what my wife noticed recently.

After a tough six months of on-again, off-again depression, I’ve come to realize she is exactly right. Depression stole my swagger.

I was once brimming with self-confidence. Not arrogance, but confidence in my ability to accomplish anything I set my mind to do. Then I crashed and burned with my first major battle with Major Depression.

Sadly, I can’t remember the last time I felt truly confident.

My current meds and time with my therapist are helping me survive each day, but I’m sick of just hoping to survive. I want to start really living again.

Is that too much to ask? I don’t think so.

So what am I going to do about it?

I’m going to be more intentional about setting modest goals that I can achieve, whether it’s at work or at home. Achieving those goals will surely help build my self-confidence back. I am keenly aware that such cognitive behavioral therapy works, but it is difficult to be diligent about using those tools when you feel depressed and mentally exhausted.

I blogged earlier about the need to “fake it til you make it,” and I still believe that. I just wish it wasn’t so darn hard.


11 comments:

  1. I agree that self-confidence is a victim of depression. I am trying to build my own back but it is difficult. Good luck!

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  2. It's times like these when you need the support of those around you but you know you run the risk of draining that well if you visit it too often. So you lean on Adam, Adam can lean on me, I find a shoulder to lean on and we can all shuffle along back to what we know we can be :-)

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  3. Adam,
    Thanks and good luck to you as well. I can relate to what are you going through. Thanks for visiting and please come back.
    Jack

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  4. Spanner,
    Very well said. Thanks for visiting and taking the time to comment.
    Jack

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  5. Stumbled upon your blog. Ever read "The Noonday Demon" by Andrew Solomon? Pretty great stuff.

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  6. Supa,
    Haven't read it. I'll put it on my "to do" list, though. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. I agree with you. Depression can really make your self-esteem low, nevertheless, maybe there is a cure for this or shall we say therapy for depression. By the way, thank you for sharing this.

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  8. Depression can really affect our life and our lifestyle. The use of anti-depressants is quietly famous but we should only think of it as an alternative. There are still many natural ways in dealing depression and one best way is talking.

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  9. It’s been nearly a year now, I hope that everything is fine with you and life is treating you right. And I want to thank you for sharing and being open about your condition. I know for a fact that telling such a tale is hard, and dealing with it is much harder. In all honesty, I think you are a strong person. Despite the soul-deadening and mind-numbing effects of depression, you chose to fight it with all your might! Be strong and keep the faith! Anyway, I found this video on YouTube about conquering depression. I hope it can help. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

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  10. Thank you for speaking the words many of us feel

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  11. maggie.danhakl@healthline.comOctober 30, 2014 at 4:10 AM

    Hi,

    I hope all is well with you. Healthline just published an infographic detailing the effects of depression on the body. This is an interactive chart allowing the reader to pick the side effect they want to learn more about.

    You can see the overview of the report here: http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/effects-on-body

    Our users have found our guide very useful and I thought it would be a great resource for your page: http://onemanswar.blogspot.com/2012/01/depression-stole-my-swagger.html

    I would appreciate it if you could review our request and consider adding this visual representation of the effects of depression to your site or sharing it on your social media feeds.

    Please let me know if you have any questions.

    All the best,
    Maggie Danhakl • Assistant Marketing Manager

    Healthline • The Power of Intelligent Health
    660 Third Street, San Francisco, CA 94107
    www.healthline.com | @Healthline | @HealthlineCorp

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